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Out Is The New In
I think it’s fair to say that we are often scared to shine.
And when I say shine, all I really mean is the state we find ourselves in when we are truly happy.
When we’re happy, we shine.
At the ripe old age of 30, I have come to realize that the “journey to happiness” is in fact a lifelong balancing act. There is no perfect final destination, but a series of wonderful milestones we collect along the way.
For me, these milestones appear when I take the time to observe what does and does not bring me happiness, and then have the courage to make changes in my life to align that which isn’t working.
It takes a great deal of introspection, whilst staying open to evolution and change. I have to periodically check in with my values, my morals, my passions, my creativity and ultimately make sure that I’m living in alignment with my true authentic self.
It certainly isn’t a walk in the park…
But when I’ve had the fortune of meeting others who live from that place, I find they sparkle so very bright – like these shining stars, illuminating the way to a better, happier place and I’m drawn to join them.
I feel we’ve created a world that doesn’t encourage us to explore who we are; to experiment, look inwards, work out what shoes fit, and then express freely.
We have created a world that tells us we should be a certain way; that we must fit into categories and live under labels.
It seems to me that we live in judgement, in fear of judgement, from the collective mentality derived from the controlled and repressed systems we’ve created for ourselves.
It doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense, and yet we’re stuck in these backwards ways that no longer serve us.
Much of this “conventional wisdom” is revealing its cracks.
We are starting to wake up and see the truth.
We’ve been taught that having more stuff will make us happy.
That the climate crisis is less important than the economy.
That gaining likes on social platforms gives us value.
That money is power – creating a brutal hierarchy to humanity.
And that we are everything but equals.
That we are anything but ONE.
The world also teaches us that fluidity in gender and sexuality is in some way wrong.
As a queer woman that is a really heartbreaking and confusing “truth” to get my head around.
As soon as I became sexually aware, I was attracted to all shapes and genders.
But unfortunately, before long it became clear to me that my sexuality was viewed in a very complex and largely negative light.
I should add – I’m incredibly fortunate to come from two open-minded households, but nonetheless, the word on the street (and the world as a whole) clearly viewed this aspect of me as “different”.
That scared me.
I did NOT want to be different.
Because being different got judged, and standing out for being different, to me, was absolutely something to be feared.
So I suppressed it.
Wanting to be liked outweighed wanting to be being me.
Having no representation of bisexuality or pansexuality, I feared I must be gay.
I was attracted to girls… but I also liked boys?!
Well, confusion is an understatement – and confusion brought me right up into my head – to a voice that wasn’t always kind to me.
So I just focussed really hard on the “boy part”, hoping that the “other part of me” would eventually go away.
Imagine if we lived in a world where everything was accepted and met with love.
Even the hardest of things met with compassion.
Perhaps I wouldn’t have been scared to say, “I like girls, but I also like boys. Huh!? Is that different from you?”
Perhaps we’d use our differences to bring us closer, rather than separating and isolating us, and I wouldn’t have been scared to be me.
As I grew older, the fear of being me also grew.
I left the nest at 16 years old, having no idea who I was, and moved swiftly into an industry that I found to be particularly toxic for developing self-worth.
Naturally, I became more and more affected by these collective world views and though they didn’t make sense to me, I thought it would be best to just shut out my little queer voice, for in some ways it seemed easier.
But it wasn’t easy.
Hiding such an integral part of who you are causes incredible anxiety and fear.
Though I did a damn good job of masking my confusion to the world, over time it ate away at me through countless doubts and insecurities.
Then, cut to 2015 – Oh universe, you magically aligned, sneaky old bugger you!
I was propelled into a job that made me face my greatest fears.
Emily Andras took a chance on me and cast me as the beautifully positive bisexual representation that is Miss Waverly Earp.
Through this incredible, enlightening journey of playing a queer character and meeting the fans that are drawn to her, I guess I’ve reevaluated how I am to face this part of me.
Hanging out with the community over the past few years allowed me to see, time and time again, people achieving mini milestones and stepping into their light.
It has made me more certain than ever that I also have to at least try being brave and hopefully contribute to the positive ripple effect that is caused when we step up and live authentically.
All of these moments help change the way our world views sexuality.
For I believe we are each mini representations of the choices we make.
Simply put, I don’t want to be part of a world where we can’t be colourful.
Where we can’t shine bright and where we can’t love who we love, freely and confidently.
Though this is one of the scariest things life has challenged me with so far, I know now that by slowly speaking my truth and living in alignment with my morals and values, I will be happier.
And I will likely shine brighter.
Because being queer is a fucking colourful and magical journey and because I am happiest when I am my AUTHENTIC QUEER SELF.
And that’s okay.
In fact, it’s actually beautiful.
I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that the force of love can move mountains.
So without judging and perpetuating the problem, I meet those who think same-sex couples are in someway wrong with as much love and compassion as I am capable of mustering up.
We are in a system that tells us lies, developed over years, creating patterns that are challenging to break.
But nonetheless, I encourage you to take a second and really examine why you think the way you do.
You have an opportunity to do things differently.
And then, if this still doesn’t give you pause and nothing changes, I ask you to please at least leave others to choose the way they would like to live.
Each and every one of us should be allowed to work out what shoes fit, without unnecessary restrictions that no longer serve us.
It is a fundamental human right to be able to live life with love.
For Love is Life.
In this lifetime I choose to represent this incredible community and stand up for the things that I love.
I am one of the fortunate ones that can, hopefully without too many repercussions, which is sadly not true for everyone.
So I find the strength within myself to pave the way for others – as many have done before me.
And as I thank those who evolved humanity and got us where we are today, I take the baton and run forward fearlessly.
My ultimate wish is for all of us to be able to love freely, honestly, and boundlessly.
In a world that embraces our colours.
I guess in some way this is a call to all queer rainbows out there.
By coming together in pure abundant love, we can gently guide those who are not yet awakened to a healthier, happier, and safer way for all.
So, here goes…
I am queer.
I am into ALL humans.
I guess maybe I am just really into love?
I am OUT.